Hlalumi Balfour

I had always known there was a God because I was raised by a Christian woman (my mom was busy), but I never knew him. She passed away, and it was the most painful thing for me to process. That was my weak point, and that was when the devil attacked.

I went to live with my mom, and then started having nightmares, but there was one in particular that stuck with me. I was sleeping on my back facing the ceiling, which was still its internal structure( I live in a rural area in South Africa), and there was a reptile-looking man crawling down to me.

My senses knew something was off, so I scrambled away, but somehow, in my mind, it was like he was telling me there’s no use. I kept screaming in my dream until I was woken up by my mom in real life.

After that, life went on, and then I went to my first boarding school. I was in 3rd grade, and, long story short, I was sexually assaulted by some boys repeatedly. I never told anyone because I just felt like I was, in a way, craving their attention, and I didn’t care how I got it. I also didn’t say anything because the pressure of “if a boy hurts you, he likes you“ was really imprinted in my mind.

These events of sexual harassment continued for 2 years, and the fact that I didn’t report it, I think, was influenced because of my absent fatherly figure. I have a step, but we’re not close. I went to a new school and dropped academically, and then God came through.

The next year ( I was 12), I was told to read the bible by my matron, but it was only because the hostel would go to church. God came to me in my dreams when the hostel stopped going and I lost interest in His word. I can’t explain if this was in spirit or a dream, but it was like He was calling from a distance, and when I turned to the right, his voice faded away into my bible.

I opened it and read and read and, surprisingly, understood. That week, I prayed to Him and cried because I felt extreme fear that He would never forgive me. My two friends and the matron helped me that year.

I was called by God to do a task - pray over a friend about to go through a Xhosa ritual, which I knew at the time was demonic. At around 23:10, I was deep in prayer, praying for her. Then, because my eyes were closed, I couldn’t see, but somehow could see a black figure blast a grey smoke into my chest, and I fell with sudden fatigue.

I was so scared I stopped and slept, but that week, Satan and I were like this:🧎🏾‍♀️‍➡️🙅🏽‍♀️👺😡. I was deep in prayer 24/7. It was a constant battle. My mom believes in this also, so there was tension at home, too. I didn’t stop because there was a spiritual hunger in me for God.

At the end of last year (2024, age 12), I started struggling with lust, particularly towards women. I still am, but I’m a work in progress. Pressure from home came about my career and grade 9 subjects, so I prayed about it to God. I said, ”Father, I want to give you recognition, but I don’t know how.”

Obviously, there are more details I’d add, but then you’d be asking me to write a book. Now that I look back on that, I see God’s hands working with me during those 3 and a 1/2 years, and now I’m stronger because of it.

But yes, I still have trauma, flashbacks, triggers, and a quiet fear of men, but here I am, a girl wearing the armour of God(Ephesians 6). God is calling and strengthening his people, and I want to be part of that, so if you’d like to hear more from me, search “Hlalumi Balfour” on TikTok.

Amen in Jesus’ name!