Teena

I am a 22-year-old medical student, the only child of parents who had a love marriage. My father is Hindu, and my mother is Christian. Growing up, I followed both religions.

I used to go to church every Sunday because my parents took me — I would sit, sing, and listen, but nothing really went into my heart. Reading the Bible felt like a huge task, and if anyone asked me to pray at family gatherings, I would shyly dodge with a smile and say I couldn’t. That was my life for a long time.

When lockdown began, I was in 12th grade. I pretended to pay attention in my online classes, but secretly, I watched dramas and series and listened to K-pop. I got literally addicted. Time passed, and my first NEET came. I hadn’t studied, and I failed.

I decided to take a long-term course, and my parents enrolled me in a coaching center. After ten days, I called them, crying. I couldn’t stay there; I didn’t want to be there. Being the only child, they accepted and brought me home.

I tried online coaching for a week and did well for a short while, but I slipped back into watching series and chasing celebrities. I wasted my time again. As the next NEET approached, I still hadn’t started preparation.

Guilt overwhelmed me; my parents believed I had been studying hard. Everything felt closed and hopeless, and I sank into depression. I had no one to tell. Then, one day, a video appeared in my YouTube suggestions — uploaded eleven years before. It was titled “Father’s Letter to His Daughter.”

Something pulled me to open it. I don’t know how to explain it, but I wept through the entire video. It felt like Jesus was speaking directly to me. All my doubts, fears, and suffocating thoughts were eased. I had happy tears, and I felt loved and known.

After that, I began studying again. I had small breakdowns, but He helped me. I qualified for NEET, and though I didn’t get a seat. I didn’t lose heart. I retook coaching with a renewed seriousness, trusting His guidance.

I appeared for NEET a third time and got a satisfactory score, yet still no free seat. We were devastated, but God showed us another path: admission through B-CAT, a program with half payment and half merit. To be honest, we couldn’t afford even the half payment — it was around ₹11,55,000 per year, which was huge for us.

But God opened doors miraculously and provided for us financially when we least expected it. He literally opened every door. In my first year of medical college, He was with me through the whole year, guiding me. Still, I got distracted by the world — new friends, new environment, worldly happiness. I disappointed Him by not studying properly; I skipped days.

At the end of the year, before my first year university exams, the college required next year’s fees to be paid before exams. We were waiting for a loan that had been accepted but was delayed. The university threatened not to allow me to sit for exams. My parents and I were devastated. I went into depression again, but no one knew.

One day before exams, with so much syllabus left, I was pleading with the administration for my hall ticket and begging them to let me write the exams, and promising we would pay. Finally, they allowed me to write after we paid half the amount. During practicals, there were moments when they nearly pulled me out, but by God’s grace, I completed my exams.

I was terrified of failing; I didn’t know how I had performed under such stress. Then a friend called to tell me I had passed. I was shocked and grateful. Some friends I had been studying with didn’t make it, but I did. I couldn’t control my emotions — I knew He had helped me and blessed my efforts.

In my second year, I again got carried away. I neglected my studies and habitually pushed things to the last day. During peak exam season, I fell into tears and depression because the syllabus in med school is vast and the time is short. I would study, only to forget the next day. The subjects felt volatile. I kept asking God for forgiveness, strength, and wisdom. I felt ashamed for needing to ask forgiveness so often, but He forgave me each time.

There were moments when suicidal thoughts crept in because everything felt overwhelming, but He was there — with me when no one else knew. I wept at night, begged for forgiveness, and He comforted me. He promised me to never give up, to not be lazy, and to keep trying. He encouraged me to read and work, and He blessed my efforts.

I completed my theory and practicals, though I wasn’t fully satisfied with my performance. Still, I believed He would help me pass, as He had promised He would not let me be ashamed. I can honestly say I have changed a lot since truly knowing and believing in Him. I now pray voluntarily at family gatherings, and I no longer fear reading the Bible. I have grown braver, more thoughtful, and more trusting in Him in every part of my life.

I thank God for the chances He keeps giving me to become a better version of myself. I am deeply sorry for the times I made Him sad with my behavior — I truly wish not to slip away again. To anyone reading this who is struggling, I understand how you feel and the circumstances that might have brought you to this testimony.

Please, stop worrying and pray about everything. I know it’s hard, but trust Him. Don’t lose hope. This period of worry and hardship is shaping you and molding you into someone stronger. Never give up. Try again and pray.

The Lord sees you, and I am sure He is watching over you now. Thank you, Lord, for not giving up on me and for always giving me chances. Amen.